Free buckets!

New Years vacation was spent on Phuket and Phi Phi. Most people who have visited Phuket would agree with me that its sort of forgettable, especially if you've gone to the surrounding islands. Ko Phi Phi (Pee Pee, not fee fee) on the other hand was a trip. Beautiful and didn't have near the sleaze factor that Phuket had. No sex was solicited, no Thai guys hollering at me wanting to fit me for a suit, and no PING PONG show advertised. Just banana shakes, white beaches, and longtail boats.

On Phi Phi I visited the setting of the movie "The Beach." Big Whoop is what you might be thinking, but you must remind yourself who the leading man of this mediocre film was: LEO! Mmhmm, I'm proud to say I stood on the same grains of sand that Leo Dicaprio did once upon a time. On Phi Phi I also snorkeled, kayaked, got a thai massage, lounged beachside reading Vonnegut, and consumed countless fresh fruit smoothies. Mmmmmm, smoothies.

Then there was the New Years bash. Every bar on the island was handing out leaflets trying to bait vacationers to drink at their bars. The bait was heavy. It wasn't uncommon to see offers like: "half-off drinks" "free food all night!" "buy-1, get-1 free" "3 for 1 Buckets", but my favorite was "limited time FREE BUCKETS". For those new to the term "Bucket", its exactly as it sounds. A bucket is liquor, soda, ice and a few crazy straws served to you in a cold plastic bucket. Its got a nice little handle making it easily transportable. Not easily spilled, no broken glass if it does spill. One more thing about buckets and then I'll shut up. Thailand loves the poo out of their plastic straws. If you buy a soda from 7-11, you get a straw. You buy a water, you better believe you're gettin a straw. When you buy a bucket, expect upwards of 5 straws. Thailand is also big on sharing. The whole buckets thing is a blessing and a curse. It encourages binge drinking for the masses, which lends itself quite easily to bad decisions on a large scale. My party crew of young, responsible teachers did the smartest thing to do on a teacher's salary: Hop from bar to bar visiting during the "free bucket" time slot. An economic game-plan maximizing fun and free food.

Time passed, buckets were consumed, and the crew settled at the Apache bar which had everything there is to look for in a decent outdoor bar: the beach, free/discounted buckets (duh), good music, orange glow in the dark face paint (get to that later) and FIRE! Let me explain: A limbo bar which was, of course... on fire, and a 20 foot jump rope. You guessed it, on fire. That made for good people watching. How can you go wrong with watching drunks on a beach trying to jump over a flaming jump rope? As long as you have friends who don't let you become one of those idiots you're ok. I apologize to anyone reading this that happened to be one of those idiots.

The ball dropped, clumsy hugs and kisses exchanged, and several of us threw ourselves into the ocean in a fit of joy. Looked fun, but in my state (too many buckets), I failed to notice what everyone was doing before they jumped in, which was taking their cell phones out of their pockets. I made the realization that my phone was fried, wet, and salty after 3 steps in when I was thigh high in salt water.

The phone passed away at 12:16am, but the night didn't end there. The remainder of the night was jampacked with orange face paint (I sported the William Wallace look for the night), Braveheart references, red bull, buckets, and dancing. Went to bed around 4:30. Mild hangover, but nothing a banana fruit shake and a pancake wasn't able to cure the next morning.

I said bucket over 10 times in this blog. Bucket.