American Standard my butt.

Nearly all of the toilets here are made by a company called:

AMERICAN STANDARD

Below are a couple pictures of the exclusive "Teachers Only" toilets with the

American Stamp of approval proudly displayed.

American Standard, eh?

I don't EVER remember associating soar hammies with American Standards.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Land of Smiles and lowered American Standards. I hope you all smirk a little bit and think of me the next time you are turning a double play.

I'll be squating and thinking of purple mountains majesty and soaring eagles.

God Bless America.

photos available on line

http://picasaweb.google.com/markus.chisholm/IphotoExportImages486?fgl=true&pli=1#

Sorry for the wait, here's everything. The pics are a bit out of place at times. Do your best. Leave me comments if you need an explanation.

Low on gas.

A funny thing happened when I took the motorcycle to Pua last weekend.

I hung out with my buddy Roman, who lives in the town of Pua. Its a neighboring town 20 minutes north of Tha Wang Pha by automobile. After dinner and hangin out for the night I say good bye and head for TWP. The time is about 11:00pm. I can ride home, and brush my teeth and get to bed by 11:30. Get a solid 7 hours for school the next day.

It wasn't long after I fired the bike up that I had noticed the fuel gauge. Damn near empty. No problem, I think to myself. I'll just fill up at the Shell station that's on the way out of town.

CLOSED.
SHIT.

Now what to do? At this point my gas gauge arrow is perfectly in line with the glowing red "E". With the only known gas station in town closed, and no gas to waste looking for a gas vendor, I pull over and call Roman. It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes since I left his place. He should be able to help me out.

Ring, ring, ring, ring..... notta.

Ok. So I'm out of town, out of gas, my only friend in town is not calling, and I'm a solid 15 minute walk from his house. I park my bike by the 7-11 and walk the street asking anyone around how to find gas. I'm lucky that I had my Thai phrasebook in my side bag that night. I didn't get a straight answer that I understood but I got some people pointing. By following a couple of leads I wound up on the side of the main street opposite of 7-11 by a late night soup vendor. There were 4 guys sitting down, most likely drunk that were inexplicably stoked to see me. "Farang! Come! Come!" They insisted that I sit down and let them feed me and serve me beer. I obliged.

The new plan: Eat, drink, and wait for Roman's phone call. I'll hang out with the townies and inquire about a possible late night gas vendor. A bowl of soup and a can of beer later, the guys walked me over to a Thai lady standing behind a table on the sidewalk about 20 meters away from our table.

To the untrained eye she was selling discounted whiskey bottles. One local explained to me that the little Thai lady was actually selling motorcycle fuel by the bottle. 40 baht per bottle. "Song" I said. She gave me two bottles, and I gleefully poured the whiskey bottles into the tank.

The local time was midnight by the time I had poured the fuel in my bike and headed home. The next day I was exhausted but had a good story to tell, and a new gas station vendor to tell Roman about.

Thank God its Friday!

Yesterday was a day off. I've had two days off so far this week. I love the time off, but I haven't taught my my Friday afternoon class more than once. Which makes me wonder what i might put on their midterm next week. Hmmmm.....

Up til this point I have been unable to successfully upload any pictures. The internet connection, the uploading software, etc. has prevented me from sharing my photos with the outside world. For that I apologise.

This morning I've been grappling with google trying to find an English version of Picasa. No matter what I type in all I get is the Thai version. I'm going to scrap the mission. If anyone out there can go to google, search Picasa, download the free version (I think its 3.6), and send me the program file via email, I could start sharing files. email it to markus.chisholm@gmail.com

News updates:

• Construction updates: The kitchen add-on room is near completion. I'll be cooking stir fries in my wok in no time flat. There is a new road being built connecting my apartment building to the school grounds. Until now its been an uneven, winding dirt road.
• Transportation: Purchased a legitimate motorcycle helmet. Comfy, bright red, visor, air vents. Boo Ya.
• Weekend plans: Attending my first English camp this weekend. I'll be teaching frisbee and kickball to youngens.
• Classroom: Everything is business as usual in the classroom. Continuing to teach to the attentive, and throw out the disruptive. An interesting dichotomy where they don't want to be there, but they don't want to leave. All the while they are a nuisance, distracting those who wish to learn. I found that throwing their backpacks out the door, works; they chase it, getting them out of my class, and I don't have to yell at them in front of the kids. Its a win-win.
• Holidays: I have been told that I'll be acting in a Christmas play in front of the school on x-mas morning. A complete departure from the low key mornings spent with the fam in the living room. Christmas will likely be spent in Thawangpha. Booked a room and a plane ride for my new years plans in Ko Phi Phi (a small island near Phuket).

Calls from the dugout, the King, and a man named Phillip

This post recounts the events leading up to my departure to Chiang Mai last weekend, which also happened to be the King's 82nd birthday.

Wednesday afternoon: fellow teacher and personal Thai translator from whom I get all of my school news from (shes called Kruu Rin, 40 year old Thai lady) casually informed me that my Teach in Thailand program coordinator (Phillip from Bangkok) was coming to evaluate my classes and that he would be arriving on Thursday afternoon- less than 24 hours.

Thursday:

After a couple quick classes and no Phillip, I ask Kruu Rin, “any word?” She said “no new email or phone call from Phillip.” My plan was to do my thing, and if he shows up then he shows up. Before I knew it I had all my classes taught and the day quickly turned to night right around 5:30pm like it always does. Still no sign of Philip. The next hour was spent cleaning my room, polishing my lesson plans, and updating my logbook (Jamie Moyer-like book of details and descriptions on each of my classes) because ya never know what he might ask for. Later that night, about 7:30pm I hear a quiet rapping on my front door and a slightly effeminate American voice accompanying it.

Its Phillip and a few of my bosses and teachers at my door. I answer wearing slacks and drinking a gin & tonic. I am jack’s complete lack of surprise. Me, Phillip, and the whole gang piled in a van and drove to a resort/restaurant 10-15 outside of Thawangpha in a town called Pua. The school admins joined. Shmoosing, drinking, eating, yada yada yada. We discussed the game plan for the following morning: Phil observes our class and then we leave for Chiang Mai by noon.

The only class I had scheduled for that morning was my 3/1 class at 11-11:50. 3/1 isn’t just another class. 3/1 is notorious in the foreign language department for being the worst class in the entire school. These kids are borderline impossible to teach. 3/1 is the kind of class that inspires teachers to become administrators, far away from the classroom. This was going to be Phillip's only impression of me as an educator. Of course at dinner, the principals and teachers downplayed the severity of 3/1. To admit that their 3/1 students lacked discipline, respect for others, and a modest interest in linguistics would be to admit to major faults within their own institution.

Friday: The next morning I was told to prepare to teach. I got the green light from the principals. It was going to happen. Then at the last minute like a closer in the bullpen, a telephone rang and kruu rin answered it. It was the dugout with the new plan. When she hung up, she told me that the admins canceled 3/1 and instead wanted me to teach my comparatively angelic 4/1 class (the polar opposite of 3/1) so that the school could hide their problems, and successfully save face. Two problems with the new plan:

1. I had already taught 4/1 twice earlier in the week. So I had no lesson plan prepared.

2. The class was in 10 minutes. Hardly enough time to prepare a worthwhile lesson.

After 7 minutes of prep, I'm ready-ish. With 3 minutes left on the clock, another phone call came from the dugout (admin office). Another change of plans!

“4/1 is canceled.” Kruu rin told me, “Go to your room and pack up your things [for Chiang Mai]." No explanation was offered as to why "they" decided to cancel my morning classes. They either didn't think I could handle either situation, or they were hiding something from Phillip are the only things I could imagine.

An anticlimactic end to a morning of chaos behind closed doors. Everything probably looked pretty ordinary to Phillip. Ah well. Free ride to Chiang Mai.

This post is far too long so I will sum up my weekend in Chiang Mai in a few words and pictures: sushi, footlong sub sandwich, nachos, latte, soft stool :-(, charcoal tablets (the antidote) :-), used book stores, a chill hostel, sketchy night clubs, Kings (The card game was played on the King of Thailand's 82^nd birthday that weekend. Fitting.), gin and tonic, go karts, flamingos, lions, flying gibbons… oh and freebird. What kind of 24 year old American dude doens't know freebird, honestly?!

Chiang Mai or bust.

My tale starts at Thawangphapittayakhom school. This morning I woke up to my usual alarm clock (the roosters cock a doodle doo) feeling great, ready to take on the world. Today felt different. Today I woke up with an extra spring in my step with Chiang Mai on my mind.

The plan:
8:20-8:25: English-speaking skit at the assembly

8:30 - 11:00: Make lesson plan for next week at the office

11:00 - 11:50: Teach the biggest group of S***heads I've got. I have nicknamed them the badnews bears. This was the reason I didn't leave earlier. Its not cool to stick anyone with the charge of subbing for this class.

11:50 - 12:15: Pack my gear for the weekend

12:15 - 13:00: Eat a snack and wait for the 1pm bus to Nan

13:00 - 14:00: Bus ride from Thawangpha to Nan

14:00-19:00: Bus ride from Nan to Chiang Mai

19:00: FREEDOM!

This didn't happen. I actually got to Nan ahead of schedule after taking the express songtaew (early 90's yota pick-up converted to a taxi) to the Nan bus station. Once I got to the bus station around 1:30, I went straight to the ticket booth and asked for the earliest bus out. She printed me off a ticket for a 10:30pm bus ride out. Surely there has been a failure to communicate! Nope. All the previous buses to Chiang Mai had been booked solid til 10:30pm. So whats 10:30 - 1:30? I believe its 9. 9 hours to kill in Nan, the city that the lonely planet tourist guide book described as having a "virtually featureless" downtown. So what does one do in a virtually featureless downtown for 9 hours?

I guess find an internet cafe and hit the blog. I'm on hour 3, with over 6 hours left before the bus leaves. Oooh, the phone just rang, the American teachers from Nan have decided that they'll rescue me. My situation just got better!

Chiang Mai or Bust. I don't care if I get there at 4am... which is looking like the most realistic ETA. Wish me patience and luck, I just might need both.

1 month down

I've been in Thailand for 1 month come tomorrow, and I've been teaching for 3 weeks. I'll take this occasion to give my top 5 list of first impressions. Here it goes.

Top 5 biggest differences between US and Thailand

1. Thailand doesn't worry about time. The US is very time-oriented: don't be late, put a rush on that, drive through, 12 items or less lane, carpool lane... I could keep going.

2. Transgender students run the show. The "lady-boys" are the usually the smartest in the class, they have no reservations about anything (they dance, they sing, and they participate in class), and lastly, they are generally an accepted part of society. As socially conservative as Thailand can be in certain areas, "lady-boys" can get jobs, and often go to represent their schools in academics.

3. Discipline. American kids have a good healthy fear of authority. This makes trying to control them in the classroom easy. If students don't respect the teacher, at least there are checks in place to ensure the leverage is clearly on the teacher's side: detention, lunchroom duty, etc. On the contrary, Thai kids have a different relationship with their teachers. The smiley-natured culture coupled with the huge Buddhist influence turns the teacher into something of a really really lax babysitter. Students can get away with just about anything, and the teacher will forgive them without fail. There is also no detention and no lunchroom duty. Students 1, teachers 0. As you can imagine, the school is a mess and the classrooms are in pretty rough shape without the discipline. But hey, the kids aren't exactly mopey.

4. Sanitation. Flies are plentiful. Weather is always warm. Poultry, pork and meat is a gamble. Kitchens and open air markets are a free for all. FDA, huh? Microwaves are your friend. The communities are pretty run down just about everywhere you go. I'm gonna chalk this one up as a developing country issue, not a Thailand issue.

5. Fun! Thai people have more fun in general. Their relaxed attitude with just about everything makes everyone less stressed out. I've also noticed that there is generally more time set aside for fun. Exercise, relaxation, family time, whatever your bag is. The US , being rushed all the times tends to have a reputation for depriving some of the most important things in life. Exercise, eating right, and spending time with the ones that matter. That's what it seems like on the surface at least. This whole smiley, fun-loving thing could just be a smokescreen to hide their sheer misery they call their personal lives... but i kinda doubt it.


Top 5 things I miss about the US... foodwise:
1. Chips and salsa
2. Grilled cheese
3. Pizza
4. Fresh potato foods: mash, bakers, fries, tots.
5. Subway

Top 5 small surprises:
1. Students take their shoes off when they enter academic buildings. Think Cardinal Newman.
2. No dancing in Thai night clubs, unless its westerners dancing.
3. Milk most commonly comes in juicebox form.
4. Wheres the cock-sauce. No sri racha... hmmm.
5. After performances its not customary to clap... crickets.

Top 5 biggest adjustments I've made:
1. Hand-washing and air drying my laundry.
2. Smiling when I get irritated. Sarcasm helps.
3. Tucking in my shirts and ironing my clothes daily.
4. Instant coffee in the mornings.
5. Living with chickens as my daily alarm clock.

Favorite 5 favorite foods in Thailand:
1. Som tom (spicy papaya salad)
2. Fried chicken (Thawangpha style)
3. Pho noodle soup (not exactly, but a close relative to it)
4. Khao Soy (delicious curry soup)
5. Stir fried morning glory (local shrubbery)

That's all I got for my top 5. A few things I'm excited about:

1. Sports day on Monday (23rd). Its like field day in the middle of the term. The class is divided into 5 teams based on shirt color. I'm on the yellow team. There's also blue, green, red, and purple.

2. Chiang Mai this weekend (20-22nd). Woo! Gonna get me some Mexican food and a Starbucks.

3. Thanksgiving feast in Nan with fellow whitey. All you can eat with South Africans, Scots, Brits, and Yanks.

4. New Years reunion in Ko Phi Phi. A small island by Phuket.

5. Getting a motorcycle. At least one to share with the other couple Americans.

6. A private kitchen facility for the 6 language teachers to be built soon. Gas stove, sink, and counter space in a little shack adjacent to our building. 'Coming Soon' is a relative term. This one might be anywhere from a week away to 8 weeks away.

daft punk = quality lesson plan

I had an epiphany when I was jogging late last night. Have you ever heard the song Technologic? When it popped up on my playlist I had an urge to bring it with me to the classroom. So today I did. Daft Punk blew some 14 year old minds, lemme tell ya. The song turned out to be an awesome classroom tool for teaching basic verbs to the rambunctious 14 year olds who would otherwise terrorize me for the full 50 minutes. Just bring an iPod and some speakers to class… baby you got yourself a lesson plan goin.

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, now upgrade it. Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, pose it, snap it, work it-quick erase it.”

The students could barely understand the fast-talking robot voice at first, but after 6 listens or so, they got an ear for it and learned the art of dancing in their seats. Fun was had and verbs were learned.

I'm looking forward to my irregular past tense verb exercise for this afternoon. I'm using Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang"…because they’re not quite ready for the Raconteurs version. Maybe next year.

1 week down, 156739 more to go

Disclaimer:

I apologize in advance for the long-winded nature of my first post. It should be read in 3 or more sittings. Bathroom breaks and catnaps are encouraged between the long meandering rants that don't seem to have a punchline or a focus. This post encompasses the first 2 weeks of Thailand. And should pretty well catch you up to speed.

Having survived my first week in the classroom, I have appropriately changed my website address from markusonmoostreet à itamethaikidsformoney. My time in Thailand has been exactly what I had hoped for thus far. I've done a fair share of the touristy stuff including an elephant ride, a float trip down the River Kwae, and sightseeing at a bunch of temples. But that was week 1, all part of the “Teach in Thailand” 2009 program orientation. For the most part it took place at a hotel in Bangkok where 90 other farang stayed (farang is the term that the Thai people have for white people, or anyone else that looks lost for that matter). Orientation felt a lot like Disneyland because the 91 farang formed an American enclave. We had our own culture and spoke our own language; we basically made no attempt to assimilate to our surroundings. Our borders were fluid and fluctuated when we travelled beyond the hotel confines. As long as I didn’t leave the enclave, I wasn’t at risk of having to speak Thai or leave my comfort zone. It was fun getting to know all of the teachers because for the most part they were all likeminded 22-26 year olds who liked to experience new things and had fun and unique personalities. So I didn’t mind the Disneyland atmosphere while I built a network of people that I could visit and stay with that extended past Thawangpha’s city limits. Our enclave did however have an expiration date, and it was the 28^th of October.

After a week of language, culture, and classroom "training" seminars at the hotel, Tyler, Jesse and I boarded a night bus to Thawangpha. It was a long uneventful bus ride, and all three of us were whipped from a long week of partying and sightseeing. Once we arrived in Thawangpha, the bus dropped us off at the marketplace in town, which could accurately be described as the epicenter of the downtown. Once we got off the bus with our luggage, we called a couple phone numbers that were written on the back of an envelope. These were the instructions I had received from my program coordinator during orientation. After no answer from both numbers, I got a call back shortly from a teacher saying that she'd pick us up. We waited for 20-30 minutes in the parking lot with our luggage. It must have looked pretty funny to onlookers: three disoriented white guys in the middle of the market, trying to make sense of where in the heck we were, what was going on around us, and what to do from that point forward. I’d bet we still had the pillow lines across our faces from sleeping on the bus at that point. Our situation reminds me of the cats that run on to the outfield during baseball games. They are completely out of their element, they don’t know how they got there, where to go next, and the onlookers are baffled and slightly amused by the whole situation. Going into this program, I was aware that I would be an endangered species in Thawangpha. I was pleasantly surprised to learn later that there is actually a fourth farang in the community: Me, Tyler, and Jesse being three, and the fourth is Michelle the community peace corp volunteer that works at the primary school. I have met her briefly, and she seems pretty cool. Once things calm down a bit, I’ll give her a shout. Its been a pretty tough transition going from orientation where guys were outnumbered by girls 4 to 1, to having no American girls at all. I’m sure in the next week or two as this fact sets in, I might be glad I’ve got her number.

Classes started on a Saturday. A bit unconventional, but it seems to fit the trend of the school. Stuff just kind of comes at you, and you have to do the best you can to deal with it. Performing daily 2-minute skits every morning at the flag raising ceremony in front of 1,800 kids is one of those curveballs the guys and I have been tossed. Another, more enjoyable curveball was when I was asked (or rather told) to help out in the Province-wide English competition between secondary schools (imagine an academic track meet). Leading up to the event, I was a speech tutor to a shy little 8^th grader named “Nut”. On the day of the competition my role changed as I was asked to be a judge for the storytelling event. There were several events on the day, but I was judging storytelling (5-7 minute orated stories by memory) at the High School level. Imagine the setup for American Idol. 3 judges to a panel. A contestant walks up all alone, and they put their best foot forward- telling the best story they know how to tell. Unfortunately, unlike Simon Cowell, I didn’t have the right to stop them 15 seconds into their speech and tell them they aren’t going to move on, that “that was the WORST attempt at the 3 little pigs I have ever heard!” and that they “Should never under any circumstances try to speak the English language ever again!” Instead I sat patiently with a straight face (usually) and critiqued for the 5-7 minute duration until the student was finished. Some were pretty painful to sit through, but there were some students whose performances I really enjoyed. I loved seeing how animated the students got, and the story selections that were made. My favorite was the abbreviated version of Romeo and Juliet. Cutting a Shakespeare play to less than 7 minutes is no easy task if you’re going to do it justice. She did the Mercrutio sword duel, the family drama, and the suicides among some other key scenes. It was kind of the baseball tonight version of Shakespeare… She did it in dramatic fashion, running around getting into character, acting out the scenes, and she ended the story sprawled out on the floor as a dying Juliet. The only thing missing was fake blood. Some spur-the-moment curves thrown my way have turned out to be pleasant surprises, this being one of them. Plus I was fed ample amounts of Phad Thai during the lunch break, YAHTZEE.

Back to talking about classes. The first week was comprised of me feeling out my classes, getting a sense of what the students know, introducing myself, and figuring out what classes are going to be the demanding ones. After a week, I’ve come to the conclusion that the discipline system they have in place at this school pretty well guarantees that the kids wear the pants. If they are out of line, there’s no detention to threaten them with, no lunch duty, no immediate consequence that they fear to my knowledge. At times it feels like I am a staff member at a really well dressed daycare of 1,800. Anything goes in the classroom. The only rule the administration seems to be adamant on is the tucking in of the shirt rule. Kids can hawk loogies out the windows mid-lecture, walk out of class at any given moment, throw paper, or just shout random Thai words at will. But God forbid one of their shirts becomes untucked. There’s no telling what kind of anarchy that might follow. One of the few things that I learned in my orientation that I've confirmed with the thai teachers on staff here is that if there's one thing you don’t do as a teacher, its raise your voice, or lose your temper with a student. There’s a cultural stigma against it. The students and faculty have quickly cast past “yellers” aside as the tactless, hot-tempered American. Learning to work around these cultural confines is going to take some getting used to.

The big picture isn’t completely hopeless though. There is a silver lining. The good classes are a joy, and they eat up everything I teach. The lower levels that have no interest in learning English are whom the prior paragraph was geared to. These classes in particular can be impossible to control on certain days, let alone teach to. I've adopted the local equivalent of the term "hakuna matata". It’s called "mai pen rai"; it means “don’t worry”, or “its no problem”. I say this to myself during and after the tough classes. If they don't want to learn, I'm not going to chase after them or shout to get their attention. It sounds a bit harsh, but you can drive yourself crazy if your daily expectations are unrealistic. If you wake up thinking that you can tame the kids who have been conditioned to be wild, you will go home frustrated day after day. My game plan is teach to those who want to listen, don’t worry about the others. Let em’ run wild and fail a few tests, maybe later they’ll change their tune. If not, mai pen rai.